You Only Have One Mother

I believe that's a common saying, right? "You only have one mother." Of course, to an extent, that is true. However, over the course of my life I have met many women who I categorize, in my head, as "Also My Mother". Yes, I have "one mother" and I love her dearly. We may not have always been as close as we are now, but she is my one and only. She was and always will be "Mommy" to me, even though she is now really "Grandma".

But, like I said, I have more than one "mother". This may sound weird to some people, I am well aware of that, but it's just how things work in my head. All of my friends who are moms, whether they are older than me or not, are "also my mom". They have all had different life experiences than I have, relating to motherhood or not, and so, they all have had or do have something to teach me. The mothers of the men and women I dated before I got married (whether I still keep in touch with them or not.. most of them not), they are "also my mom" for the same reason. My mother-in-law is "also my mom". Most importantly, they have all, in some way or another, helped shaped the person I am right this very moment, regardless of how short or long a time I have known them.

I can only hope to be as much of a mom as I feel they are. Because, they are not just moms to their children. They are moms to all children. Their hearts, their arms, and their homes are always open.

And, that's what I want to be. It may sound crazy and overwhelming to some, but it sounds perfect to me. I want my kid's friends to know that they will always have a place with us if they need it. I don't need to try and be a "cool mom". I just want to be "also a mom" to anyone who needs it.

I feel like, once you become a mom, you are a mom to everyone. You never just stop being a mom. The minute your first baby is born, that's it. You are "mom". I don't mean to say that you can't also be "wife" or just.. You. It's just that motherhood completely changes you. You have this tiny human to care for and protect. They can't fend for themselves, so you must. And that never stops. Yes, they become more capable and more independent as they grow, but that feeling will never go away.

It isn't like this is a huge revelation for me. I know my mother feels exactly this way about all four of her children. I just never really understood it until now.

On Being A Mother

With Mother's Day this weekend, I've been thinking about what it means to me to be a mother. I know I haven't been a mother for long, but, somehow, it's already not at all like I expected.

Sure, being a mother, especially in the early days, means getting no sleep to ensure your child is fed. It means taking a shower, only to get spit up or puked on, depending on how "productive" your child is in the vomit category. It means having to do an extra load of laundry because your child pooped through her clothes... And then all over the couch. And daddy. It means staying up all night because you want to make sure your child is still breathing. It means having that moment at two a.m., trying to comfort a seemingly inconsolable child, while saying "I don't know what the fuck you want.." while also crying. That last one just me? Oh, okay.

But, it occurred to me what else it means to me to be a mother. It's going in to check on your sleeping baby, only to find them quietly wide awake and giving you a big grin as soon as you come into view. It's rocking your baby, finally getting her to sleep, only to hear a tiny little sleepy giggle. It's that snuggle into your arms or your shoulder, because, to them, you are the safest place to be. It's the faces they make, perfectly fitting the situations, despite being made at random and not on purpose. It's the tiny hand, gripping the neck of your shirt when you try to put them back down. It is all of this and so much more.

At this very moment in time, that is what it means to me to be a mother. To be the comfort. To be the love. To be the protector. To be the teacher. The realization that, everything I do, is not for me, but for her. Every interaction she sees me have, every word I say, every action I take.. it's for her. I imagine that as KittyBaby gets older, my definition of being a mother will change, just as she does, but, for now, I'm content with this.

Mother's Day

So, Mother's Day. A day dedicated to mothers. Which has always been about my mother. As well as my grandmother and, later, my stepmother. Also, every four years, it is my birthday.

And, because I just have that kind of luck, my first Mother's Day is ALSO my birthday this year. I'm not sure if that makes it more or less weird. I still can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that, since I am now a mother, Mother's Day is for me too.

Maybe, when KittyBaby is older, it'll feel more "for me"? Though, I'm not sure how. I mean, so far, all I've done is make sure she doesn't die, but, some days that does feel like a serious accomplishment, despite her age of a mere seven weeks.

My first Mother's Day will consist of a nice barbeque at my mom's followed up with purple cake for my birthday. Because purple cake. And my mom knows what I like. I'll even put on a bra. However, I can't promise I won't wear more than a tank and a pair of KittyPapa's gym shorts. Mostly because it is suddenly hot as hell out and I'm not tolerating it too well.

So, Happy Mother's Day to all my mothers. :)